These Words from A Parent That Helped Me during my time as a First-Time Father

"I think I was merely just surviving for twelve months."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience rapidly proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver as well as looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You are not in a good spot. You must get assistance. In what way can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While people is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on moms and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are linked to a wider failure to communicate among men, who still absorb damaging ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It's not a sign of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is equally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to ask for a break - taking a couple of days away, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound trauma caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "poor actions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the pain.

"You find your way to things that are harmful," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Getting By as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, speak to a trusted person, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - eating well, staying active and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead offer the safety and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - managing the emotions in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their struggles, changed how they communicate, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I feel like my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning as much as you are on this path."